I completely aware of everything's existences around me. I know that i've been surrounded by plenty of other colossal things for my whole life. I know that there are a lot of things which were able to crush me to the bones only in a split second. But i do nothing to those and i keep staying on this comfort zone without doing any meaningful effort to join those big leagues, i just keep disappointing people, i'm still waiting for miracle to happen and i'm sick of it but i can't do anything. I just don't really know where i am, and i still don't know where to go.
I've been walking down the tunnel for my entire life and after all these years i still haven't seen the light at the end of it, even i haven't seen the end of the tunnel either. I don't know how long i should shamble through this tunnel. I don't know where this tunnel will lead me to. I don't know what kind of long road should i pass through in front of me. This tunnel is much darker than any human has ever imagine. I don't know where to go.
I can't keep disappointing people, the pain of failure inside me is unbearable. I just can't keep disappointing people, but i can't also satisfied people despite the best effort given. I just can't do anything and no one wants to tell me what to do. Maybe that's how life work, i should pass only to find out what i've been doing, i will never know where i'm going until the run is done.
I can barely stand on this ground. I can't look at anything. I'm not able to use my hearing. I'm paralyzed, i'm blind, i'm deaf, and i'm all alone.
I know what i'm going to say are common song lyrics but i do feel lonely in the middle of the crowd. I do feel sad behind all the fake happiness i always shared. I do feel empty from inside out. And i don't know why. Maybe everything has done with me, life has given all which should be given. I know that you would say that i haven't found the right thing i should find, yes that's true, but yet i'm so sick of waiting so long for uncertainty. I don't know what i'm waiting for, i don't know when would it come, i don't know does it worth the wait and i'm so tired of waiting for, i don't know what i've been waiting for. I'm running out of hope.
It's so likely that i will leave just a minute before what i've been waiting for arrived, and it's also possible that it would never come at all. I completely understand all the possibilities, and i am depressed for understanding too much. I regret to know everything i know. I need something to wipe down my memory, and i'm sure that everything is going to be better if i don't understand nothing. I need something to reset my thoughts. I need something to fix my whole system. I need to recover my whole life. I need a remedy.
I need a remedy.
People said that perhaps i just have never fell in love before, they said that what i've been waiting for is love, they said that my life is on its lowest condition and i should just wait for someone to come and get everything back in order. I'm not going to deny it, perhaps that's true, but i'm not going to think that all i need is love because i still don't know. If someone is truly out there and waiting for the right time to come, i think it is the right time to come. Please just come before it's all too late. Please help me.
I am so weak and i'm not going to deny it, because i feel like i have never been this fragile before. I am screaming for help and i'm not going to deny it, because i do need help indeed. I am so lame and i'm not going to deny it, because i do feel like i am a tiny bird in the middle of hurricane. I am so dead.
I know that only few people will truly understand my feeling right now, they were the ones who had been in the same condition. I know that more people think that i'm going to put punchline at the end of this post, but sorry guys i think i will disappoint you. I know that everyone thinks that there ain't no way for my kind of human could have this kind of feeling, but let me give you a reminder, i am also a normal human, just like you, but i'm weaker, or perhaps i just grew faster than anyone did, perhaps this was how the dying people feel like. I just hope someone would understand about what is going on with me, and i put a little hope that anyone who has done reading this will ask me if i'm fine, but you all already knew that i am not. But at least i hope that someone's presence might turn all the things going better, no one knows.
I probably just need an ice cream. And pizza is also good, i usually get better after i ate pizza. Wait...
ALL I NEED IS PIZZA!!!!! I'M WAITING FOR PIZZA DELIVERY GUY, PIZZA IS MY REMEDY, PIZZA RECOVERS MY WHOLE LIFE, PIZZA GIVES ME BREAK AMONG DIMENSIONS. AND PIZZA IS THE ONE AND THE ONLY THING WHICH WORTH THE WAIT.
The fuck wrote that shit on my blog?
That wasn't me. That was me after 2 days without pizza. So technically that wasn't me. Just so you know that i'll turn to be melancholic if i hadn't ate pizza for over than 24 hours, not just over melancholic, it was set to random mode, out of my control. So you guys should always bring pizza if you don't want me to sing Doraemon theme song with Sailor Moon wardrobe on a rocking chair because you don't want to see my artist mode.
Pizza is my help.
Now fuck you.
I've been walking down the tunnel for my entire life and after all these years i still haven't seen the light at the end of it, even i haven't seen the end of the tunnel either. I don't know how long i should shamble through this tunnel. I don't know where this tunnel will lead me to. I don't know what kind of long road should i pass through in front of me. This tunnel is much darker than any human has ever imagine. I don't know where to go.
I can't keep disappointing people, the pain of failure inside me is unbearable. I just can't keep disappointing people, but i can't also satisfied people despite the best effort given. I just can't do anything and no one wants to tell me what to do. Maybe that's how life work, i should pass only to find out what i've been doing, i will never know where i'm going until the run is done.
I can barely stand on this ground. I can't look at anything. I'm not able to use my hearing. I'm paralyzed, i'm blind, i'm deaf, and i'm all alone.
I know what i'm going to say are common song lyrics but i do feel lonely in the middle of the crowd. I do feel sad behind all the fake happiness i always shared. I do feel empty from inside out. And i don't know why. Maybe everything has done with me, life has given all which should be given. I know that you would say that i haven't found the right thing i should find, yes that's true, but yet i'm so sick of waiting so long for uncertainty. I don't know what i'm waiting for, i don't know when would it come, i don't know does it worth the wait and i'm so tired of waiting for, i don't know what i've been waiting for. I'm running out of hope.
It's so likely that i will leave just a minute before what i've been waiting for arrived, and it's also possible that it would never come at all. I completely understand all the possibilities, and i am depressed for understanding too much. I regret to know everything i know. I need something to wipe down my memory, and i'm sure that everything is going to be better if i don't understand nothing. I need something to reset my thoughts. I need something to fix my whole system. I need to recover my whole life. I need a remedy.
I need a remedy.
People said that perhaps i just have never fell in love before, they said that what i've been waiting for is love, they said that my life is on its lowest condition and i should just wait for someone to come and get everything back in order. I'm not going to deny it, perhaps that's true, but i'm not going to think that all i need is love because i still don't know. If someone is truly out there and waiting for the right time to come, i think it is the right time to come. Please just come before it's all too late. Please help me.
I am so weak and i'm not going to deny it, because i feel like i have never been this fragile before. I am screaming for help and i'm not going to deny it, because i do need help indeed. I am so lame and i'm not going to deny it, because i do feel like i am a tiny bird in the middle of hurricane. I am so dead.
I know that only few people will truly understand my feeling right now, they were the ones who had been in the same condition. I know that more people think that i'm going to put punchline at the end of this post, but sorry guys i think i will disappoint you. I know that everyone thinks that there ain't no way for my kind of human could have this kind of feeling, but let me give you a reminder, i am also a normal human, just like you, but i'm weaker, or perhaps i just grew faster than anyone did, perhaps this was how the dying people feel like. I just hope someone would understand about what is going on with me, and i put a little hope that anyone who has done reading this will ask me if i'm fine, but you all already knew that i am not. But at least i hope that someone's presence might turn all the things going better, no one knows.
I probably just need an ice cream. And pizza is also good, i usually get better after i ate pizza. Wait...
fuck this shit.
ALL I NEED IS PIZZA!!!!! I'M WAITING FOR PIZZA DELIVERY GUY, PIZZA IS MY REMEDY, PIZZA RECOVERS MY WHOLE LIFE, PIZZA GIVES ME BREAK AMONG DIMENSIONS. AND PIZZA IS THE ONE AND THE ONLY THING WHICH WORTH THE WAIT.
The fuck wrote that shit on my blog?
Why did you do this to me god? why?
That wasn't me. That was me after 2 days without pizza. So technically that wasn't me. Just so you know that i'll turn to be melancholic if i hadn't ate pizza for over than 24 hours, not just over melancholic, it was set to random mode, out of my control. So you guys should always bring pizza if you don't want me to sing Doraemon theme song with Sailor Moon wardrobe on a rocking chair because you don't want to see my artist mode.
Pizza is my help.
Now fuck you.
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