Suicide note

Good evening everyone, tonight i'm going to be more serious than usual, i want to share some problems of mine because i can't keep it on my own. I don't ask for solution, i just need someone to hear my thoughts, but that is also one of my problem, no one wants to hear me, and if there someone who is, they usually not truly listening. So i will just write it down here, at least i can release the problems inside me so there will be someone who knows what is happening.

I don't usually share my private life to everyone so i don't really know how to start it.

Okay i can do it, but i beg your pardon if there would be any kind of disturbing word you don't like, i'm not really good at picking words, yeah you know that i barely speak to people so, i'm sorry.

It all started approximately 4 and a quarter years ago.



I was walking down the alley with my jacket on, it was winter, 11 pm. It was dark and quiet, the snow on the ground was only about a few inches tall, and the snow fell pretty slow, it moved simultaneously, i don't really know how snow could move like that, i've never seen this kind of thing before, like there was someone who arranged the amount and the direction of where the snow should fall up there. I was trying to take my cigarette from my left jacket pocket when that thing happened. At first i didn't realize what was going on, until i met a girl who was walking toward me. I stared at her from the distance with the limited visibility occurred that time because it was quite dark. She had average tall and her body was skinny. She was wearing her hoodie and she carried a bag of groceries on her left hand while she was putting her right hand on her jacket pocket. She stared down for her first few steps from the time i saw her, but then she looked up when we were close enough to look at each other's eyes. But she didn't straightly look into my eyes while i was shocked to look at hers. She had that, i don't know what made her eyes looked so special but those were one of the most beautiful eyes i've ever seen.

When we were only a few steps apart, i still recall every tiny detail of this moment, she looked at me and gave me a smile after she looked down. I don't know what just happened, i felt like there was an electric shock struck my body. I felt extremely happy. I don't know, i probably just fell in love at first sight.

But just a few minutes after that i noticed that she wasn't giving me a smile, she laughed at me. But that time i wasn't really sure whether she was giving me a smile or laughing at me. My face turned red and i clumsily smiled back at her, but in an instant, she flipped her expression upside down, she showed that disgusted but polite expression while looking to me. From that point i know that she wasn't giving me smile, she laughed at me. I didn't really know what went wrong until 2 days ago when she finally told me what went wrong that time.

She kept walking leaving me confused that time, i didn't have guts to even say a word to her because i was paralyzed, i just stand still right exactly where the first time i saw her beautiful eyes. So after that i stole some moments to glance at her who kept walking away from me. The night suddenly turned brighter and i saw her entered a flat not so far from that point where i was standing. From that moment i determined myself to find out who she was.

Exactly the next morning after that night, i headed to that building right away, but i hadn't wanted her to see me that time because of that awkward night when we first met. I just thought that wasn't the right time for her to see me, she would think that i'm a creep. So i entered the building after making sure that she wasn't around. I asked a janitor i met, then he said that he never met a girl with the physical conditions i mentioned to him, i mean she didn't live there. So i asked a lot of people in that building when finally someone noticed her presence last night, he said that he was on the elevator with her and she got out at the third floor, so i straightly headed to the third floor while kept making sure that i wouldn't met her that time.

At the third floor i asked a young girl and she said that she saw her entered room number 6A not so far from the elevator. She said that room belongs to a man, a single old man. I gave that young girl some money to ask him any information about her, then she left to meet that old man while i waited on the seat near the elevator. That young girl came back with a map, then she said that she used her own money to get this information so she asked for her money back and some extra. She said that i can find everything about her from the map, so i checked what was inside the map before i gave her the money. There was only a single paper inside the map, and turned out that paper wasn't the thing i thought about, that was some kind of advertisement from the magazine, but yes she was on that paper, and there was a phone number beneath her portrait. That young girl said that her name is Rachel.

She was a hooker.

Damn.

So i telephoned the telephone number on that paper and a guy answered me, he said that i can just come to his place and picked some girls with special price he was going to give me, but i said no. I said i want someone really special, the one on the paper, he said "aaaa, Rachel" with plain note. I said "yes i want her", then he said "ya i can arrange it, i'll call you later". I don't know, i felt happy and disappointed at the same time.

After a few events, he telephoned me back and said that i can pick Rachel up from his place on Thursday.

I'm getting tired of typing shit, so i will just cut some down and i will go straight to the problem. I met Rachel and everything went good, i talked to the pimp and he said that i can freed her with the fair price, so i paid her off then give her a job on my company.

Everything went good between me and Rachel after that until 2 days ago i finally found out what made her laugh at that night when we first met, she said that she laughed because she saw me wearing Uggs......

I JUST REALIZE THAT I TURNED STRAIGHT AFTER I SAW HER

I was gay guys, i was gay.

I WAS GAY

I WAS GAY

I WAS GAY

I WAS GAY

I WAS GAY

I WAS GAY

I WAS GAY

I WAS GAY

I WAS GAY

I just noticed that i was wearing Uggs when i met her :(

I was just finished a marathon orgy with my homosexual mates that time :(

But after i saw that beautiful eyes, i turned normal and i don't know why :(

The problem is, what would happen if Gotham finds out that Batman was gay? Their one and only true hero was an anal slayer, I mean i can imagine the headlines of the newspapers if society found out that i was gay "BATMAN LOVES COCKS" "BATMAN EATS COCK" "BAT-GAY" omg omg i can't handle this, i can't handle this, I CAN NOT FUCKING HANDLE THIS, OH MY GOD. Oh god oh god help god, help me god. I was born that way, i don't know why i didn't like girls at all since the 7th grade, i've fucked a girl but no i didn't like that, i hate that. Then i started to have that strange feelings for my best friend. Then we made out because he was also a gay, and god that felt so good, i loved him, then i thought that i was trapped in a wrong body. Oh god why.

So guys, i think this is it, i can no longer do it. Tell Rachel that i regret every second i fucked those asses, tell Gordon that Gotham needs the straight new Batman, tell Fox that Batmobile is badass, tell Robin to shut the fuck up, tell Alfred to get me a glass of fuckin milk, tell Joker that i love every single second of that good ol' times and tell Gotham that i love them.

So long fuckers. See you in the afterlife.