I should have not done that, i know that i should have not done that.
Are you all also thinking about what i have been thinking lately? I just realized it, i wonder how could i have never thought about that basic simple thought.
I just found out that it's easier to build than to tear up what we've built. It's easier to purchase than to sell what we've bought. It's easier to produce than to make what we've produced be disentangled. It's easier to enter, than to leave.
Have you ever felt so afraid of doing something you've never done before? Have you ever doubt yourself before doing something new? Have you ever got hesitate of everything before you try to sow on a fresh ground? Absolutely yes, either consciously or not.
Because it's easier to jump than to get back to the first place before the jump. I don't know who placed that venomous mindset on our subconscious, i mean that thing makes us paranoid the whole time, makes us think about the risk even before we wholly knew the scope, makes us doubt ourselves before we give a shot, and i don't know whether it applied to everyone, i just realized that it has been echoing in my head for my entire life.
I don't know if someone had realized it but no one has ever told me about that. I have never felt safe on my own. I have tendency to be dependence on anything who has well-knowledge about the world behind every door i'm about to go through. I just realized how weak i am.
That mindset is blocking me from inventing anything new, blocking me from going to strange new places, blocking me from finding new settlement of doing anything, blocking me from seeing the whole universe with maximum clarity, and encouraged me on what i just did, which is supposed to not.
That is the definition of comfort zone, i just realized it when i saw a writings on a plastic bag, it says "it'll take 500 years for normal plastic to decompose while this one will only take 2 years". Seems like it has nothing to deal with any of my bullshit above right? Let me give you the full story.
After i saw that plastic bag, i turned around then i saw a plastic-packaged butter, then i thought about it 'damn these dudes want to see the world burn' i mean i have known about the theory of natural plastic decomposing long ago, yes it will take hundreds of years, but i wonder why do we keep producing these shits? Then i thought about where the rest of the plastic from our old world of industrial era has gone? Yes i'm absolutely sure that we've been producing plastic for a pretty long time but i can barely see the old ones, i mean where have they gone? Then i thought that the only way to make them completely disappeared is by burning them down, which means it'll produce carbon dioxshit i don't know about that, i just know that if we burn shit, means we're burning down our ozone layer, i'm not that into that kind of thing because it's quite hard to understand, no it's actually not that hard, it's just me who were too lazy to do some research before i write this post, it's 2 am and i don't think my head has enough space for some kind of shit. Then i thought that the more i use plastic bag, the more 'no more' i will be getting into. You still don't get any connection between my story and the shit i wrote before? Me either.
That comfort zone thing reign on anything in my life. Making me afraid of taking a step further. Keeping me doing something i have always done. Giving me a track i always consider as a path while the truth is there is no path at all, i mean we can go anywhere we want, we can jump to anything we want to, we can build and tear everything up. There's no such kind of path, that was just a fear of getting into something you're not used to.
And now i know that you wonder what i have done, you've tried to make it into conclusion and tried to guess what i have done but you still have no clue. I just did something i will always regret for my whole life, and i did that because of i'm afraid to get out of my comfort zone, i don't want you guys to do the same thing, just don't be afraid of losing everything you've got, you'll earn it back if you tried hard enough anywhere you are standing, but remember this, you are the one who knows the most about yourself, don't listen to me.
I was running out of deodorant, at the marketplace, i got confused about what kind of deodorant i will buy, spray or roll-on. The price between those two were not that far, but i used to use roll on and buy a cologne instead for the spray fragrance, so i bought the roll on. Then i saw a commercial on tv about that spray deodorant, then i just realized the effectiveness of using spray deodorant, i don't fucking need to use cologne if i used spray deodorant, and now i'm here crying in the middle of the night.
The end.
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