INFERNO
Yo sup bitches, i'm dat muthafuckin' Dante of da 21st century. Now i'm gonna re write my muthafuckin' holy scriptures on dis muthafuckin' technology of da 21st century. As yo guys have known, Divina Comedia divided into 3 muthafuckin' parts, Inferno, Purgatorio, and Paradiso. Now i'm gonna write da Inferno yo, but dis is 21st century, so i'm gonna write dis Inferno da other way, not in poem or epic form, i will just type it without cantos yo, also in da language of today's generation would understand. And i use English coz i'm not sure if today's generation would understand da muthafuckin' Tuscan. So bitches please pay attention to da muthafuckin' text.
I take a shit in a conventional store, when suddenly da muthafuckin' closet sucks me. I don't know if it was a dream or dat muthafuckin' Katy Perry's song is on the loudspeaker. My body is full of my shit and my shit smells really good, smells like muthafuckin' almond, really really good. Then i realize dat i'm standin' in a hall, a great big hall, i see a great white figure around 50 meters from ma place i'm standin', i'm a muthafuckin' Florencecilian so i use metric system. That white figure is real huge guys, then i notice that is a muthafuckin' giant closet for giant creature. When i observe closer to that closet, i could imagine how big is the shit of the closet's user. Damn dat closet is so muthafuckin' big.
Hell i'm tired of typing that Dante of the 21st century's style, i will just type normally.
I'm standing on the middle of that great big hall and so confuse of what just happened. A skinny guy comes while getting stoned with a bong he is carrying. He said "Yo Dante" so i take a better look at him then i realize that he is Bob Marley. "FOR FUCK'S SAKE BOB MARLEY, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?" i said that with Jamaican accent. Then he says "No Dante, i'm not Bob Marley, my name is Virgil" he said, "i was sent by someone to reach up after you then guide you through this" he said while pointing on a gate which suddenly appear in front of us. "NAH FUCK YOU, YOU ARE BOB MARLEY, GANJA GUN BOB" "Yeah whatever you say Alighieri, i'm Virgil". Then i take a look at that spooky gate in front of us, a guy with complete suit is sitting on his desk in front of the gate. The guy has a pair of red horns on his rear head. "Yo Bob, where are we? And where that gate will lead us to and who the fuck is that spooky guy sitting on the desk?" "This is the Vestibule, that gate will lead us to Inferno and that man named Charon, he is the pilot of the ferry which will take us across the Acheron river and reach the hell proper" then i say "Wait.... Did you just say that we are going to enter that gate which would lead us to hell?" "yes" "what is the name of that guy again Bob? And what river?" "Charon, Acheron river" "THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT BOB ARE YOU DRUNK? STOP USING MARIJUANA BOB" "WELL FUCK YOU I'M VIRGIL NOT BOB MARLEY, AND BONG USES COCAINE NOT MARIJUANA, THIS BONG IS FOR CHARON ANYWAY DUDE NOT MINE" "wait are you serious bob? Does that mean i'm dead already?" "well yes i'm serious, and no" he said with no excitement like he met a lot of guys like me "if i ain't dead yet then why would you take me to hell bob? What for?" "i don't know and shut the fuck up, someone sent me to guide you through Inferno and Purgatorio" "can i go home now bob? I have 3 kittens" "who cares Dante, now please just shut up and follow me, you'll be fine i swear" "okay every little thing is gonna be alright, right bob?" "i'm Virgil you shit". Then we walk upon that gate.
In front of the gate we talk to Charon. "NO LIVING BEING IS ALLOWED TO ENTER VIRGIL, YOU KNOW THE RULE" said Charon, then bob says "yes i know the rule Charon but just take it easy laa, i bring you some good stuffs and you can get stoned instead of doing nothing for the eternity""oh my god, i couldn't resist it but you are true Virgil, i asked for a playstation but the staff didn't give it to me, they said that we don't have enough money for such a waste" "They were being so mean to you Charon, just please take my gift and let us pass Charon, you won't regret these good stuffs" said Bob. "Yeah Virgil i guess i'd rather be letting this living being enter than refusing the joy of getting high then suffer of doing nothing for the eternity, go ahead you can give that to me now" "it's all yours buddy" said bob while giving the bong he is holding.
Charon takes us to the ferry, a small ferry with the capacity of only 3. "I THOUGHT YOU SAID FERRY BOB" "yes Dante" "it's a motherfucking canoe" "this ferry will always and only fit the capacity of the people who were joining aboard" "so this ferry keep changing shape every time it has more people to take?" "yes" "cool". The ferry seems won't stand the river we're going to cross, this ferry is only about 5 meters long and 1,5 wide, and this Acheron river is so fucking huge, i can't even see the other side of the river, but i believe in this Charon, seems like he had spent his whole lifespan riding this ferry and he is still here. We take off the dock and Charon takes the stick to steer the boat. The stream of the river is so abstract, i can't tell which side is the upstream because the stream is moving in rounded shape. And after riding this ferry for about 15 minutes, for the love of the entire hell there is a Maelstrom on the middle of this Acheron. Fuck. "HEY BOB ARE YOU 100% SURE THAT THIS FERRY COULD HOLD US ALL ACROSS THE RIVER? AND CAN WE COUNT ON THIS DRUNK FERRY PILOT? I MEAN LOOK AT HIM" Charon is sitting on the corner of the boat with his brand new bong, and he sings Bob Marley's song. A HOLY MOTHERFUCKING BOB MARLEY'S SONG, NO FUCKING WOMAN NO FUCKING CRY, AND THE CENTER OF THE MAELSTROM IS ABOUT 100 METERS OFF OUR BOAT, WE'RE GOING TO BE CRUSHED BY THE MAELSTROM IN A FEW MINUTES, AND THIS SON OF A BITCH IS SINGING NO WOMAN NO CRY. "YES DANTE TRUST ME, WE ALL WILL BE FINE, AND ABOUT CHARON, I'M NOT REALLY SURE EITHER" Bob said. The noise of the Maelstrom insists us to scream just so we could hear what each other are saying. I take a look at Charon and the more i look at him, the more i sure that we'll all be dead soon.
I can see clearly to the inside part of the center of the Maelstrom, and i don't know how this Charon did nothing but the ferry is driven to the right way, away from the Maelstrom. The world runs the other way in here, no physics law applied here. Then we arrived on the other side.
"Yo Virgil you're right, these were good stuff" "yeah Charon glad you're happy" "And you living being? What is your name again?" "Dante sir" "you better observe as much as you can, just so you could get yourself along into it later in your afterlife, i believe that every single part of this inferno will be glad to make such a welcome party to you later when you're dead" "Fuck you sir" "so long Virgil and you human, thanks for the gift and enjoy your trip" Then Charon gets inside the ferry and drives it back to the other side of the river. "Holy shit Bob, that was the worst drive i've ever been in" "wait until you see another ones later my friend" "for fuck's sake Bob, why would you take me here?" "you'll know later Dante, just calm down and buckle your seatbelt up" "i'm not sitting on any kind of vehicle and why the fuck would you ask me to buckle up a seatbelt you piece of shit?" "yes whatever" Bob looks like a figure of no one who could only do anything his master told him, poor Bob.
Charon takes us to the ferry, a small ferry with the capacity of only 3. "I THOUGHT YOU SAID FERRY BOB" "yes Dante" "it's a motherfucking canoe" "this ferry will always and only fit the capacity of the people who were joining aboard" "so this ferry keep changing shape every time it has more people to take?" "yes" "cool". The ferry seems won't stand the river we're going to cross, this ferry is only about 5 meters long and 1,5 wide, and this Acheron river is so fucking huge, i can't even see the other side of the river, but i believe in this Charon, seems like he had spent his whole lifespan riding this ferry and he is still here. We take off the dock and Charon takes the stick to steer the boat. The stream of the river is so abstract, i can't tell which side is the upstream because the stream is moving in rounded shape. And after riding this ferry for about 15 minutes, for the love of the entire hell there is a Maelstrom on the middle of this Acheron. Fuck. "HEY BOB ARE YOU 100% SURE THAT THIS FERRY COULD HOLD US ALL ACROSS THE RIVER? AND CAN WE COUNT ON THIS DRUNK FERRY PILOT? I MEAN LOOK AT HIM" Charon is sitting on the corner of the boat with his brand new bong, and he sings Bob Marley's song. A HOLY MOTHERFUCKING BOB MARLEY'S SONG, NO FUCKING WOMAN NO FUCKING CRY, AND THE CENTER OF THE MAELSTROM IS ABOUT 100 METERS OFF OUR BOAT, WE'RE GOING TO BE CRUSHED BY THE MAELSTROM IN A FEW MINUTES, AND THIS SON OF A BITCH IS SINGING NO WOMAN NO CRY. "YES DANTE TRUST ME, WE ALL WILL BE FINE, AND ABOUT CHARON, I'M NOT REALLY SURE EITHER" Bob said. The noise of the Maelstrom insists us to scream just so we could hear what each other are saying. I take a look at Charon and the more i look at him, the more i sure that we'll all be dead soon.
I can see clearly to the inside part of the center of the Maelstrom, and i don't know how this Charon did nothing but the ferry is driven to the right way, away from the Maelstrom. The world runs the other way in here, no physics law applied here. Then we arrived on the other side.
"Yo Virgil you're right, these were good stuff" "yeah Charon glad you're happy" "And you living being? What is your name again?" "Dante sir" "you better observe as much as you can, just so you could get yourself along into it later in your afterlife, i believe that every single part of this inferno will be glad to make such a welcome party to you later when you're dead" "Fuck you sir" "so long Virgil and you human, thanks for the gift and enjoy your trip" Then Charon gets inside the ferry and drives it back to the other side of the river. "Holy shit Bob, that was the worst drive i've ever been in" "wait until you see another ones later my friend" "for fuck's sake Bob, why would you take me here?" "you'll know later Dante, just calm down and buckle your seatbelt up" "i'm not sitting on any kind of vehicle and why the fuck would you ask me to buckle up a seatbelt you piece of shit?" "yes whatever" Bob looks like a figure of no one who could only do anything his master told him, poor Bob.
So we keep walking and Bob explains that hell lies within the world the human being are living, the hell divided into 9 parts, like a building, Inferno is a 9 stories building. Each floor of Inferno represents a sin, and these floors called circles, because Inferno formed like round building in shape. And now we're going to enter the first circle, the nearest to the earth's surface. The more it is deeper and nearer to the center of the earth, the worse place for sinner it gets.
First circle
It called Limbo. It presented for those who weren't believe in God and for those who weren't baptized in their life. "Yo Bob, what is this place?" "this is the first circle, and you have read the explanation above so you don't need to ask me, and since i haven't read the genuine Dante's Inferno and Wikipedia has no good detail explained about this circle, i think we better proceed to second circle" "yes that's a good idea, sorry for the lack of joke in this part dear readers, but i'll try to be better next time" "yes we're gonna work on that"
Then i and Virgil go to some kind of aisle at the far edge of this first circle, this aisle has strange shaped red boxes at each corner. When we are walking down that odd corridor, Bob calls me who was suddenly getting so super excited on traveling this spooky wonderland while singing Dora The Explorer soundtrack Famanos you can see the waaa hayyy~~~ Hey hey, dip Dora dip dip Dora Swiper no swipin swiper no swipin oh meh an Dora the explorer~. "Hey piece of shit" then i stop "this way, and stop singing that psychopathic soundtrack" Bob says. "What? Where are we going Bob?" "this way" "damn Bob, are you going to send me to hell or what?" Bob is asking me to enter a dark path with billions pieces of burned glass on the ground, but shit that bitch is really know how to take the shorter and simpler way to travel around Inferno because after the first step on that way, Bob died. No kidding, bob pushes a knob on the hidden side of the wall in front of that path, then boom, a fucking elevator with an 'employees only' sign drops from the ceiling. "Just shut up and follow my lead Dante, and we're already in hell by the way" "Oh my fuck Bob, what the fuck is that? An elevator? A fucking elevator?" "yes, a fucking elevator to reach the second fucking circle". So we enter the employee elevator, just so we ain't supposed to take so much energy to reach the second circle, the deeper floor, because it takes quite long even if we use the elevator. I don't know how could hell has an elevator in it, and i don't know who would use it, and i don't ask a single question to Bob because i've seen too much and i'll see much more, i mean this is only the first circle and this place has made me asked thousands of questions to Bob, i can't think of Bob getting tired of my shit then just leave me here because he gets so mad of my questions. So i just think perhaps elevator is common thing here on hell, and minutes inside the elevator passed so awkward, because i'm trying not to annoyed Bob but he seems so uncomfortable with that, he tried to make some light conversation with me but shit that was so odd. "Yo dante" "yes bob?" "how's your daughter" "you know i haven't married yet Bob" "oh ya sorry" then we pass a few minutes in silence and he tries to make some again "hey Dante" "yes bob?" "i always wonder what would be the next prize for Happy Meal next month" "the fuck are you trying to do Bob?" "just sharing some thoughts of mine, sorry". And the last is the most odd of all "Hey dante" "hmm" "do you know that Osama Bin Laden is around here somewhere?" "oh really bob?" "yes i've met him last week" "wow that's great Bob" "yeah i know, and i asked for his sign" "oh yeah Bob?" "yeah" then Bob drops the back part of his pants down and shows Bin Laden's signature on his right ass, his ass is full of red bumps. "WHAT THE FUCK BOB?" "no you gotta look closely Dante" "GET THAT FUCKING ASS OFF MY FACE YOU DIPSHIT" "ah i don't think you really know who Bin Laden is Dante, i'm so disappointed" "YES WHATEVER YOU SAY BOB BUT PLEASE JUST PUT YOUR FUCKING PANTS BACK ON". That was the most horror event since i entered Inferno so far, and it would be so hard to find heavier terror than that.
The elevator stops. And the door opens.
Second circle
We get out of the elevator and i see a giant tornado stand tall only a few kilometers apart. I feel so terrified and Bob grabs my hand to tied me with a rope down to him. We walk beside the tornado and we run when the tornado is pretty close to us. We passed the tornado then in front of us, a giant dark cloud with thunders and heavy rain is occupying the sky.
"Now we're deeper right Bob? The second circle right? For whom does this floor stand for?" i said curiously because i've seen a lot of naked humans blown back and forth in a violent hurricane, and i don't know how but we're standing in the storm but i don't feel anything, but these humans, they're like specks of dusts in the beam of light on windy day. "These humans were the ones who were overcome by lust when they are alive, from now on my friend, don't let appetites sway your reason" said Bob "oh so disgusting, these carnal malefactors are supposed to be punished harder than this" "no Dante, God is equitable, he knows what was more and what was less, what was enough and what was lack of, and this is enough for them, they haven't been given any rest since the first time the arrived here, and they will never get any, for the eternity" "oh ya i know, i wasn't trying to insult god's judgement, i was just saying that i'm so sick of these kind of people" "yes Dante i know, you are just a human, like they were". Then a figure of a naked fat mid-life aged woman with black hair suddenly bounces to the ground then flies back to the air in front of us "EAT THAT SHIT SODOMITES" "no Dante, Sodomites belong to another circle, a worse circle" said Bob "oh okay... Don't tell me where circle they belong to Bob, i will find out when they appeared and you don't have to tell me, i know the faces of the sodomites" "they look like you" "yes and their asses is much more handsomer than your face" "what's your problem dude?" "what's yours?" "yo mama so fat, she doesn't need life jacket to survive in the ocean after a vessel crash, because she is the sloop itself" "oh yeah? Yo mama so ugly Bob, a man proposed to her, she said yes, but every church said that they are not going to let Satan breed" "yo mama so ugly Dante, she had a hit and run accident, then Obama himself gave the defendant a congressional medal of honor for his bravery" "how dare you Bob... How... How could you know?" i cry because my mom got a car accident, she died on the ambulance, and that son of a bitch who crashed her was rushing to the white house for a ceremony, he was an Afghanistan war hero. "Oh shit oh shit, Dante i'm so sorry, i'm so sorry, i won't do that again" "yes no problem Bob" "we better walk through this circle because it's boring in here" "yes i agree".
So we walk through the hurricane to find the next elevator which would lead us to the next circle. In the elevator, we talk a lot about my early life and Bob seems so happy for listening my funny stories on my childhood. After i think that i said enough about mine and i want to know about his, he refuses and he says that he has 101 excuses to not telling anything about him, i asked one of it but he says that he also has 101 excuse to not telling the 101 excuses of not to tell anything about him. And from this point on, i decided that i won't stand and so sick of being in an argument with this kind of shit. I'm done with this Bob, i won't ask shit about his shit anymore. Fuck this Bob and his shits.
Third Circle
After a long road with the elevator to reach the third circle, we're finally here. But before the elevator door opens, there comes a hard knock on it. It's so hard that it moves the whole elevator. Then there comes the second knock, harder than the first, i'm thinking that there must be a titan with a hammer made of a giant tree who were in full anger with this elevator outside. I'm thinking this Titan must be the dumbest creature on hell, i mean a giant hammer and bulks of muscles, why would he punch on an elevator? He probably has some undone revenge with this elevator but dude fuck you and your shit, i somehow trapped inside your enemy with this motherfucking drunk Bob Marley of the underworld, and let me get the fuck out of here.
But Bob takes something, a black plastic, i don't know what's inside that plastic, from his Jack Wolfskin backpack and says "calm down Dante, we're gonna be alright i promised you remember?" "hell yes i'm calm are you blind or something?". He rips that plastic off then guess what's inside the plastic? Mud. Yes, that ordinary mud if you ever wonder, and no it doesn't have any special magic effect from hell or anywhere, just mud. "What's that mud for Bob?" "just take a step back and cover your face with some of this buddy" he gives me some mud and i cover my face with it, then he laughs "what Bob?" "no no i just suddenly feel good hahaha, okay now take a step back". The door opens, and a monster which was knocking on our elevator door appears. The monster has 3 heads and i don't know what kind of animal was that, it has 3 big mouths with hundreds of razor blade sharp teeth in each its mouth. Its teeth isn't like human's, it fulfilled the mouth without any sort of order, they just show up here, there, and everywhere inside the mouth. Bob catches one of its head then he fulfills its mouth with that mud, then he struggles to do the same to the rest of its head, he made it then he yells at me "RUN DANTE RUN" i stand up then shout at Bob "THE FUCK BOB YOU THINK I'M FORREST GUMP OR WHAT?" "JUST FOLLOW ME YOU SHIT" "OKAY JENNY". We enter the safe passage and pass that monster safely. "That beast called Cerberus, he is a she, and she is a worm" "wow really Bob? That was Cerberus?" "yes that was" "i think Cerberus is some kinda like 3 headed lion or tiger or something" "God of War lied to you Dante" "fuck i know that there is something wrong with Sony, and after all this time i finally find out that Sony lied, thanks Bob, i'm going to sue those multi-billions motherfuckers after this journey" "oh well good luck then Alighieri" "and what is this mud on my face for once again Bob?" "hahaha to protect you from Cerberus buddy" "shit Bob, fuck you".
Now this third circle is really cold, none like the other previous circles, but i still can handle this temperature without some kind of winter suit. People on my village called me Yeti for being naked all over the last winter, anywhere, any situation. I can handle cold. But shit this Bob, he coughs a lot "Are you okay Bob?" "no of course not Dante, i have Pneumonia" "oh well who cares" "shit". "The third circle, let me guess Bob, for the gluttons?" "oh how could you tell?" "i read Wikipedia Bob" "oh i see, well you've known this circle then?" "yes i have" "but i'm your tour guide Dante" Bob shows a disappointment on his face and the way he said that shown that he is disappointed of losing on technology. I somehow feel bad about it, so i just pretend that i don't know nothing about this circle unless it is for the gluttons and ask him to explain it to me, no kidding "FUCK YOU BOB I DON'T FUCKING NEED YOU TO WALK THROUGH THIS FUCKING AMUSEMENT INFERNO PARK" "oh Dante, how could you..." "well don't overthink shits Bob, i was just kidding" "yes i know" "so Bob, why are these gluttons laying on the ice cold slush? And this icy rain is really mean, it's so cold in here, i could imagine how cold it is on that slush, why Bob? What represents what here?" "you've read Wikipedia Dante, you don't need to ask me" "OH COME ON YOU SON OF A BITCH, I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU TO RUN YOUR DUTY BOB, A TOUR GUIDE" "thanks Dante, but no i don't need help" "i haven't read anything about the 4th circle and the rest circles too Bob, can we proceed?" "oh really Dante?" "yes i swear god" "OMFG I'M SO FUCKIN' EXCITED ABOUT THIS JOURNEY, YOU WON'T REGRET IT DANTE TRUST ME" "yes yes whatever".
Fourth Circle
Now we're on the 4th circle. We don't take the elevator from the 3rd circle to reach this lower level, we're here on foot, and for fuck's sake i no longer want to reach any other level on foot anymore, so fucking loooooooooooooooooooooooong road. Now this is the 4th circle now, Bob looks like a hobo who hasn't eat anything for weeks, he's super exhausted and so do i. So we take some rest before we enter the heart of the 4th circle.
"Wow that was the longest road i've taken on foot, on hell" "yes that's true, i regret my dumbness to consider your idea to reach the 4th circle as an interesting thing to do, i mean how the fuck could i listen to a shitty human's idea?" "no Bob i'm genius, you're the one who were shitty" "now you still think that you're genius after that long road?" "no i don't" "that's it human". There's nothing we could do, we've reached the 4th circle, and hell also has no time machine as well. Now we just take some few moments to straighten our legs' muscles. "GET UP RETARD WE'RE ON HELL" "fuck you Dante"
Then we enter the 4th circle "so Dante, this is the 4th circle, for those who were greed, possessions hoarder, the prodigal, spendthrifts, and squanderers, that's all" "that's it?" "yes" "seems like we have nothing to do in here right Bob?" "yes true" "so next circle?" "i think so" "okay" "okay" "on foot?" "nah" "okay" "okay" "elevator?" "yes" "okay" "okay" "which way?" "this way" "okay" "okay" "could you please stop saying okay after i say every each of one?" "yes" "okay" "okay" "FUCK". So we take that walk to the elevator and get down to the 5th circle. "SO LONG SINNERS, HOPE YOU ALL SPEND YOUR TIME WELL HERE BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE MONEY LEFT TO WASTE NOW" "the group wasn't only build by those who were wasting their money Dante" "fuck who cares".
But Bob takes something, a black plastic, i don't know what's inside that plastic, from his Jack Wolfskin backpack and says "calm down Dante, we're gonna be alright i promised you remember?" "hell yes i'm calm are you blind or something?". He rips that plastic off then guess what's inside the plastic? Mud. Yes, that ordinary mud if you ever wonder, and no it doesn't have any special magic effect from hell or anywhere, just mud. "What's that mud for Bob?" "just take a step back and cover your face with some of this buddy" he gives me some mud and i cover my face with it, then he laughs "what Bob?" "no no i just suddenly feel good hahaha, okay now take a step back". The door opens, and a monster which was knocking on our elevator door appears. The monster has 3 heads and i don't know what kind of animal was that, it has 3 big mouths with hundreds of razor blade sharp teeth in each its mouth. Its teeth isn't like human's, it fulfilled the mouth without any sort of order, they just show up here, there, and everywhere inside the mouth. Bob catches one of its head then he fulfills its mouth with that mud, then he struggles to do the same to the rest of its head, he made it then he yells at me "RUN DANTE RUN" i stand up then shout at Bob "THE FUCK BOB YOU THINK I'M FORREST GUMP OR WHAT?" "JUST FOLLOW ME YOU SHIT" "OKAY JENNY". We enter the safe passage and pass that monster safely. "That beast called Cerberus, he is a she, and she is a worm" "wow really Bob? That was Cerberus?" "yes that was" "i think Cerberus is some kinda like 3 headed lion or tiger or something" "God of War lied to you Dante" "fuck i know that there is something wrong with Sony, and after all this time i finally find out that Sony lied, thanks Bob, i'm going to sue those multi-billions motherfuckers after this journey" "oh well good luck then Alighieri" "and what is this mud on my face for once again Bob?" "hahaha to protect you from Cerberus buddy" "shit Bob, fuck you".
Now this third circle is really cold, none like the other previous circles, but i still can handle this temperature without some kind of winter suit. People on my village called me Yeti for being naked all over the last winter, anywhere, any situation. I can handle cold. But shit this Bob, he coughs a lot "Are you okay Bob?" "no of course not Dante, i have Pneumonia" "oh well who cares" "shit". "The third circle, let me guess Bob, for the gluttons?" "oh how could you tell?" "i read Wikipedia Bob" "oh i see, well you've known this circle then?" "yes i have" "but i'm your tour guide Dante" Bob shows a disappointment on his face and the way he said that shown that he is disappointed of losing on technology. I somehow feel bad about it, so i just pretend that i don't know nothing about this circle unless it is for the gluttons and ask him to explain it to me, no kidding "FUCK YOU BOB I DON'T FUCKING NEED YOU TO WALK THROUGH THIS FUCKING AMUSEMENT INFERNO PARK" "oh Dante, how could you..." "well don't overthink shits Bob, i was just kidding" "yes i know" "so Bob, why are these gluttons laying on the ice cold slush? And this icy rain is really mean, it's so cold in here, i could imagine how cold it is on that slush, why Bob? What represents what here?" "you've read Wikipedia Dante, you don't need to ask me" "OH COME ON YOU SON OF A BITCH, I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU TO RUN YOUR DUTY BOB, A TOUR GUIDE" "thanks Dante, but no i don't need help" "i haven't read anything about the 4th circle and the rest circles too Bob, can we proceed?" "oh really Dante?" "yes i swear god" "OMFG I'M SO FUCKIN' EXCITED ABOUT THIS JOURNEY, YOU WON'T REGRET IT DANTE TRUST ME" "yes yes whatever".
Fourth Circle
Now we're on the 4th circle. We don't take the elevator from the 3rd circle to reach this lower level, we're here on foot, and for fuck's sake i no longer want to reach any other level on foot anymore, so fucking loooooooooooooooooooooooong road. Now this is the 4th circle now, Bob looks like a hobo who hasn't eat anything for weeks, he's super exhausted and so do i. So we take some rest before we enter the heart of the 4th circle.
"Wow that was the longest road i've taken on foot, on hell" "yes that's true, i regret my dumbness to consider your idea to reach the 4th circle as an interesting thing to do, i mean how the fuck could i listen to a shitty human's idea?" "no Bob i'm genius, you're the one who were shitty" "now you still think that you're genius after that long road?" "no i don't" "that's it human". There's nothing we could do, we've reached the 4th circle, and hell also has no time machine as well. Now we just take some few moments to straighten our legs' muscles. "GET UP RETARD WE'RE ON HELL" "fuck you Dante"
Then we enter the 4th circle "so Dante, this is the 4th circle, for those who were greed, possessions hoarder, the prodigal, spendthrifts, and squanderers, that's all" "that's it?" "yes" "seems like we have nothing to do in here right Bob?" "yes true" "so next circle?" "i think so" "okay" "okay" "on foot?" "nah" "okay" "okay" "elevator?" "yes" "okay" "okay" "which way?" "this way" "okay" "okay" "could you please stop saying okay after i say every each of one?" "yes" "okay" "okay" "FUCK". So we take that walk to the elevator and get down to the 5th circle. "SO LONG SINNERS, HOPE YOU ALL SPEND YOUR TIME WELL HERE BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE MONEY LEFT TO WASTE NOW" "the group wasn't only build by those who were wasting their money Dante" "fuck who cares".
Fifth Circle
On the elevator Bob told me that this 5th circle is for the wrathful. He says that i'm going to love this one, i don't know and i don't care of any aspect which could make me like this Inferno even only a little bit, i haven't met any for this far, and i don't want to know what is going to make me like this place, i hate spoiler so i tell Bob to shut up and let me know when i know. We take a little walk after the elevator and shit, another river, this one is swampy. So we walk closer to the river and damn i think of this crazy Bob "what kind of shit you said which could make me fall in love with this place Bob? I mean look at this fucking spooky place, another river, and this one is swampy, could you guarantee that there's no maelstrom in it? I MEAN YOU SHOULD TAKE A LOOK AT THAT FUCKING RIVER BOB, IT'S SWAMPY AND WE CAN'T LOOK THROUGH THE SURFACE YOU SHIT" "take it easy dude, the best part hasn't arrived yet". So we keep walking alongside the river until the fog isn't too thick anymore. An indigenous of hell showed up near the sandy side of the river. "Dante, this is my old friend Phlegyas, and Phlegyas this is Dante" "hello Phlegyas" "hmm". Something wrong is going on with this Phlegyas, seems like he's not in the mood of doing anything he is doing "hey short guy, what's your job in this Inferno?" "why would you bother to know?" Phlegyas mumbling all the time "hey i'm just asking" "not your business" "well okay take it easy short man". Phlegyas is a short guy, his tall is only my shoulder tall and he looks like human, but i don't know, everyone can differ this Phlegyas and real human, i mean after the first time i saw him, he looks like human, but i know that he is not human, i don't know why but i don't care about this shitty guy. He mumbles all the way around and he doesn't even say a nice word to any of us. "Hey Phlegyas, can you please transport us across?" "No Virgil" "why?" "because i don't want to" "oh come on".
Wait.....
It has been a pretty long writings and i guess you guys are already tired to read it, so i think i'll split it into two parts. I'll create and publish the second part soon. Sorry for the typos or grammar errors, i haven't re-read and edited it yet.
So long suckah. I'll be bag.
It has been a pretty long writings and i guess you guys are already tired to read it, so i think i'll split it into two parts. I'll create and publish the second part soon. Sorry for the typos or grammar errors, i haven't re-read and edited it yet.
So long suckah. I'll be bag.
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